Trading Valentine’s Day for Second Thanksgiving
(964 words, 4 minute read)
Be still my heart; you had me at stuffing.
In the Beginning.
My disdain for Valentine’s Day developed while working full-time at a department store selling fine jewelry. There, I had the unfortunate displeasure of serving resentful men who felt forced to buy gifts for their girlfriends, wives, and lovers, especially right after Christmas.
I empathized with the guys. They had a good reason to hate the holiday because, really, it’s a big scam. What they intuitively felt, I knew for a fact. They were buying the crap stock that didn’t sell for Christmas. Yesterday’s failure is today’s opportunity.
Working in retail opens your eyes to the seedy underbelly of big business. Long after I left that job, my feelings towards the holiday continued. I couldn’t get past the knowledge that retailers jacked up prices on certain commodities depending on the upcoming celebration.
A rose is a rose.
A rose is a rose and not too expensive unless it is Valentine’s Day, and then it becomes a required, pricy obligation. Chocolate is chocolate unless it’s wrapped in red or pink, then it is a little nugget that costs as much as gold.
Love is Love: Every day.
Unmet expectations cause so much unnecessary friction between couples. It is only one day! It isn’t any different than another day of the year. What is wrong with telling and showing your love every day? If you have a good relationship, you already do this, and if you have a bad one, how will being forced to be kind for one day make a difference?
I can’t get it out of my head that there are people in relationships who are abused 364 days out of the year (mentally, emotionally, and physically) and get a one-day reprieve in exchange for some jewelry, candy, or flowers.
I protested the day. I wore all black and avoided speaking to anyone, hoping to sidestep the awkward “Happy Valentine’s Day” greeting ritual. At night, I watched anything that didn’t show gooey emotions as I hunkered down and waited for the 24 hours of hell to pass.
But Wait, You’re Not Single Anymore.
My feelings on the subject didn’t change once I started dating and then married my husband. I expressed to him my lack of need to celebrate the holiday. As to be expected, he was a little leery of my insistence on not getting me anything. He thought it was a trap. Other guys told him it was a trap.
The men he worked with warned him that he had to get something, or I would be mad. The women he worked with were just plain horrified. Just in case, he bought me cards during the first couple of years. But soon, he understood I was serious; I didn’t want to celebrate the holiday.
“We should get rid of Valentine’s Day and replace it with a second Thanksgiving.”
When my friend reposted the above quote from Single Swag on Facebook, I asked, “Why not?” The humorous post made complete sense to me. Finally, I would have a reason to look forward to the day! I shared it on my wall and started to plan. I love Thanksgiving foods and showing gratitude, so this idea was right in my wheelhouse.
The Evolution of Second Thanksgiving. The Power of a Home-Cooked Meal.
My sister’s husband died on an early June morning. I got the call before leaving for work. I lived in Virginia, and she was in Connecticut. I rushed to her side but couldn’t do much. One of the worst things you have to endure is to watch a loved one lose their life partner. She was in a daze. I was in a daze. No words could fill the gap or take away the pain.
She hadn’t eaten for days.
I knew my time with her was short before I had to leave, and I didn’t want to go without at least seeing her eat one meal. Food is love and caring for me. So, I casually said we should have a big Thanksgiving meal before the family and friends went our separate ways. And to my surprise, she loved the idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to find turkey in June? There I was, rushing through an unfamiliar grocery store, trying to find makings for a Thanksgiving meal in June. But damn it, it was going to happen; it was the least I could do. I feel breaking bread with the ones who are closest to you is one of the most caring things you can do. Thanksgiving, no matter what the calendar says, is still a special meal.
Two and a half years later, my mother died. And once again, I was grocery shopping for Thanksgiving Dinner in October. I hated this was becoming a tradition because I didn’t want anyone else to die. But at the same time, it brought me so much comfort. I knew that making and eating the meal together would seal the deal that we were still family, even if it was getting smaller.
The Tradition Continues.
It has been decades since I worked that first job out of college, and a lot more of life has happened. I am older and wiser now. I still hate the holiday, but I have mellowed, I guess. The things that bother me about the holiday are still present, if not more so…but do I dare say I no longer care what others do. If you are sucked into all the hoopla, so be it. For me, there are more important things to worry about than a gift on a made-up holiday.
So, whether you celebrated the day with roses and chocolate or with stuffing and turkey, I hope you took time to appreciate the things that don’t cost money. And enjoy them every other day, too.
