How to: Make your office holiday party a complete debacle in ten easy steps.

Before the Event:

Elect the one person in the office who is the least engaged personally or professionally to be the “Ambassador of Fun.” (Bonus Points: Find someone who has no leadership skills.)

Assign this Ambassador to arrange the holiday party for between 100 and 150 guests. Don’t give them any other parameters, and don’t check on their progress. (Bonus Points: Make sure this person has never organized anything, not even their bedroom.)

Wait until the end of October to secure a venue. Make sure it is in the middle of East Bum-Fuck, so the guests feel like they are being held captive. Do not get an approved menu. (Bonus Points: Find a food hall specializing in exotic foods.)

Dodge repeated requests for details on the event, i.e., parking, menu, and entertainment. (Bonus Points: Act like it’s normal and ‘fun’ not to have answers.)

At the Event:

Create a human body dam in one area of a large venue by placing food and drink right next to each other. (Bonus Points: Don’t move tables and chairs out of this area.)

Make sure ALL food (for a four-hour party) is set out at the beginning of the event. (Bonus Points: Have no one from the venue to monitor the food table.)

Go against the grain and make the guests work backward, collecting their food before their cocktail. (Bonus Points: Dim the lights low so the guests can’t identify the food. No one wants Impossible Burgers Siders.) (Extra Bonus Points: Don’t provide proper utensils or napkins.)

Only provide main course items that appeal to a few guests, i.e., Ba Minh, Nashville Hot Chicken, and Poke, with no vegetables or cookies. (Bonus Points: Have nothing that is a vegetarian, vegan, or gluten-free option.) (Extra Bonus Points: Only have food that tastes nasty cold!)

And last but not least...

Only provide two drinks per person. (You don't get extra points for this because it's just rude.)