I Have a Secret Problem

(548 words, 3 minute read)

The first thing to do is acknowledge there is a problem.

“I need to go on a diet,” words that ring loud and clear after the holidays and the end of the year. I am pretty much in the same boat. My love for food and drink has aided in an expanded waistline. But losing weight isn’t my biggest obstacle right now; my love of information and paper is.

I need to put myself on a diet for all that I collect.

So much paper!

Before I moved, I slayed the mounds of paper I saved. Though I cut down the stash, I still (and will always) have more to purge. The latest battleground is the one that doesn’t take up physical space: the bookmarks, emails, and pins that I have saved in the virtual world. The whole point of bookmarking (or pinning) is so I can find it in the future.

Very funny. I couldn’t even type that last sentence without laughing.

But it is no laughing matter. Here are two examples: on Pinterest alone, I have…93 boards holding over 20,000 pins. My personal email has 33 subfolders, 492 unopened emails, and close to 1000 opened messages still in my inbox. I even have a subfolder called “Random Shit to Keep.”

Do I know what is in that folder? Of course not.

For the first time, I know what I want for the future, and swimming through outdated and unnecessary data is not it. It is weighing me down and holding me back. I have to do something about the situation.

I know how Alice feels.

I asked myself, “Self, why are you holding on to all this information?”

The answer came back to me in the form of three additional questions:

• Is starting a new project just an excuse to binge on information, possibilities, and what-ifs?

• When is “good enough” good enough?

• And once I have found a solution, can I let go of all the rest?

These questions only scratched the surface of the root problem. I had to admit to myself that the reason I was holding on stemmed from my need to be needed, to belong.

When I was working for others, I was well known for being the “Keeper of ALL information.” I prided myself on that title. It was my secret weapon to keep me secure in a job and my way of controlling my existence. But now, no one is coming to me in distress over unknown answers.

So why am I still holding on?

I’m not really. That is why I am finally ready to sort through and get rid of what I don’t need or think I need anymore. In the world of losing weight, the concept of not calling the process a diet is one of the first steps to achieving your goal. Whether you call it fit for life, eating healthy, or a lifestyle change, there is an overreaching acceptance that it will not be a temporary program and will always be a work in progress. I believe that the same applies to my attachment to information.

So, going into the next year, I will sit back, plan some time to chip away at the “pile,” and not look back. I guess that is my big resolution for 2025.